PARTNERS FOR A LIFETIME ❣

Each of us come into our partners life for a season, reason and a lifetime.

We hope that we will resonate with each other’s views, reviews and live a happy life. This resonance in vibration can change when one partner traverses a spiritual path while the other is still hankering after another. I have heard stories of people where the complain is, “ I don’t think I can live with my spouse, I feel I am moving spiritually while he is not.” This may be a fact or a figment of ones imaginative growth.

Moving spiritually involves certain behavioural changes:

Operate intentionally
Listen curiously
Open minded ness
Embrace challenges as opportunities
Less ego -centric
Action rather than Result oriented.
Self -worth is not connected to financial security.
Are altruistic
Choose love over fear.

My husband gives emphasis to physical activity while I am physically challenged. Jogging, lifting a dumbbell and cycling invigorates him. The thought of it is boring for me. He has great physical prowess and is very disciplined. I admire this single pointedness in him.

I have a different routine to develop single pointedness. I write and read voraciously. My work which is more mental and requires concentration may not require physical exercise but is equally tiring. I get my energy from meditation and astral travel.

Does this make one more spiritual than another? No, it does not. All of us take different routes to reach the ultimate gate of Nirvana, just like there are many routes to your home. Is there a short cut to it, maybe and maybe not. It depends on how good a student you are!

To consider yourself more spiritual than your spouse is a folly. My husband manages accounts diligently, helps around the house efficiently and has his hobbies which he pursues effectively. He is caring, affectionate and kind. I appreciate all these qualities and know that there may be times when he may shout, yell and even speak rudely, but does that mean he is not spiritual!

I may be doing spiritual work uplifting myself by myself and helping and encouraging others to do the same, does that mean I am spiritual !

To judge another as being less than you. To consider your work as better than another’s. To think that meditation is better than jogging or you reading Eckart Tole and him watching Republic TV, makes you a front runner in this spiritual path is a fallacy.

Spirituality is about embracing differences in each other while each pursuing their own.

Spirituality is about allowing one to taste wine while you drink nimbu -pani. Spirituality is about knowing that the person you married is actually the best choice for you. What makes him or her that, is for you to find out. Take this three question test.

1. What does your spouse provide for you which makes your life comfortable? ( physically, mentally, socially and emotionally)!
2. What compulsion makes you stay with your spouse? ( Social stigma, Children’s security, Personal safety etc)
3. If not the above, then “ What have you still not learnt ( values, qualities ) which your spouse is demonstrating for you to learn.

I have to learn discipline in routine, exercise and financial acumen. My husband is demonstrating this to me.

We are all on this spiritual path which is about loving without expressing it, caring without conditions and sharing the space without results.

करिए और करते रहिए, जतायें नहीं

I, me,myself

Many children of today say, “ Marriage is a liability. I do not wish to entertain it. I would prefer to work on myself without interference. There is anyway a load of nonsense already I am carrying, which will take a lifetime to work on. What’s the point of working on another’s!”

There is a lot of of young and middle aged and older people who live alone. They never marry, not because they didn’t get anyone, but they made a calculated decision. Some just missed the bus, though they wished to marry while a small number lived with a partner but then decided against it. I have met a lot of my husbands friends who live alone and are happy. They actually live a much relaxed life as they have only themselves to manage. They are so well versed in it, they could write a book on it.

As a soul the choices are plenty. You can marry and bear children, marry and not have children of your own, marry and opt for surrogacy, stay unmarried and opt for surrogacy, marry and divorce, marry and separate, stay unmarried and have a partner, stay unmarried and look after your parents, stay married and die early, not marry and die as an octogenarian. Marry multiple times and raise children from different spouses or stay unmarried and yet adopt and raise a family as a single parent. Now there can be homosexual marriage with children or without. Look at the choices that human beings have, an exhaustive list can be prepared. So marriage is not a done deal today. Each of these arrangements are unique as the learning’s are different.

Married couples get bored after a few years as they follow a routine conditioned lifestyle. They marry, have children and then spend a lifetime saving up for their children. Their education, marriage and then become doting grandparents. They get involved with in-laws and their problems, take a trip once a year and fill albums with memories. The learning is complex as it involves multiple characters with different expectations. So as a soul your consciousness will be engaged in pleasing others and looking after them. Very few marriages encourage individual growth. People in marriages postpone personal desires and ambitions for their main learning is to ‘live for others and work for others.’ The family with many characters are like having extensions who act as facilitators for your learning. You have help in such a scenario.

There are few couples who somehow miss the beaten track. They marry but not have children. Their learning is to do with refinement of mutual respect and commitment. This is challenging because in their case children are not there to act like a glue. There is more personal freedom and so loyalty and marital vows can be broken easily. So the souls are engaged with each other in teaching and learning these difficult lessons. There are only two or four people within the inner circle who can act as facilitators.

Similarly single parents choose to refine skills like discipline, responsibility and personal commitment to raising a child by oneself. There are people who not only raise their own but even their deceased family members brood. This requires more concentration and commitment. The inner circle is getting smaller.

You can see that as personal challenges increase, learning is more concentrated and pure. Commitment is a huge virtue and it gets more refined as the members in the family who give support decrease. The adage ‘ Less is More’ is applicable here too.
The less the support, the more the refinement.

Slowly you become the centre of your reality.

My mother who brought me up has been a widow for 24 years has grown more of a hoarder phenomenally living by herself. She has looked after herself more than anyone half her age, not cooked or cleaned even but stayed with a maid always sponsored by me all the while. She puts herself before anything & anyone ! She prefers to live alone. When you live like this, your mental strength and commitment to life is a hundred percent. She has shown great strides in living an unlike existence. Living & thinking not beyond I, me, myself !

Marriage is for many, and considered the norm, but those who don’t follow this trend either by staying unmarried, single after being widowed and opting to raise a family single handedly are truly inspirational.

So, friends, soul lessons are plenty and each of us will engage ourselves in them through relatedness with self and others, till one day you are your own centre and it’s only then that you can reach Ananta.

A disciple asked a Zen Master, “ How do I get out of this World ?” The Zen Master said, “ Stop thinking highly of Yourself.”

What a beautiful answer to contemplate on !

Life begins with development of the Ego and it ends with the cessation of the Ego. The life in-between is spent in feeding and nurturing the Ego, the very thing we have to nihilate. I am thinking is God crazy to pack us on the picnic with a hamper of goodies which we are not supposed to eat !

This got me to enquire on the purpose of this living in between the two Ego polarities. What do I have to do so that by the end of this life I have an ability, strength and intention of breaking the Ego leading to cessation of the construct called ‘I’ or ‘Me’?

I came up with three actions which can help me to drop the Ego without much ado.

1. Work is Worship and I am a devotee. The earning is a ‘Prasad’, the quantity of which is inconsequential.
2. The world is an oyster where what I do affects one and all. My behaviour or actions has far reaching implications. This makes me a responsible actor on the stage of life. I am as others are and others are as I am. This makes me an inconsequential contributor to this Universal Consciousness and not Apollo who carries the burden of the earth. My Ego can stop in its tracks.

3.The development of ‘metta’ or ‘kindness’ is the only aim. In every word, action or gesture, in thought and emotion, the only sense I can develop is ‘Kindness.’

The purpose to exist is to exit

Awareness : Mindfulness

As I spend my time reading through a pile of spiritual books and absorbing its teachings, I am struck by the simplicity of it all. The one oft repeated word is ‘awareness’ and ‘mindfulness.’

The last month I have contemplated on these two words and this is what I have discovered.

In the morning when I wake up I am mindful of my bodily processes. I then sit, look around at the trees and the four walls of the home I live in and am mindful of its importance. I laze around and walk around aimlessly and am mindful of it too. As I wander in the kitchen, I am mindful of the toast and lemon grass and cinnamon water boiling for my early morning drink. I keep doing things without much thought of tomorrow. Yesterday seems to have disappeared from my minds radar.

Food has stopped occupying my mind, Dressing up is a distant past and allowing my grey strands to grow on my head have stripped me of my vanity.

The day rolls by and I am on a automaton mode. While doing my work related activity I create and enjoy without much ado. Evening nears and I enjoy the quiet time again. My day has passed and nothing extra-ordinary has happened. I haven’t had an adrenalin rush or a dopamine drop. I haven’t been crazy about the arrests in the SSR case nor am I interested in the fireworks of Arnab. I do my routine calls and enquire about friends & their well-being. I speak little to my husband and son but most of the time I am with myself, in my mind.
It’s night and the world is settling in darkness and I too close my eyes.

A thought like a wave rises, “ What an ordinary day it has been.”

This is the tip of the realisation that the Buddha may have taught. From the birth of a thought to the end of that thought, can we be mindful of its arising and ebbing. Be around, be about and be aware of the thought without being in it. As sleep settles in, I smile at the magic of ordinariness- it’s extraordinary.

It’s now magical how an ordinary life is turning out our biggest teacher.

This too shall pass…

No, I would never wish these times back but yes they did teach me a good lesson or two that I wouldn’t have otherwise learnt.

We think, oh this ! Can’t happen to me, that’s really when the problem starts. The Universe decides to take you through “that too”, only to make you more strong & beautiful through it all…. ….

Yes, there are the very low times when you question endlessly, why me ? Why is it really me, when logic doesn’t hold any meaning, karma doesn’t really seem to fit it…. . It’s just an endless echo of why me ? Why ?

But there’s also a destiny in place, a path that is there for all of us to trwaf upon, it maybe easy or not so easy, but has to taken, yes it becomes easy when loved ones decide to carry you through it making the journey less traumatic.

It is time to express gratitude to that one angel in my life too…. you know it’s far more easier to manage even pain when you’re by my side CHONU..I regret what you have to go through but I’m so engrossed in managing my own pain I may not be acknowledging it so many times…. I know I make things more tough & demanding but trust me I’m helpless !

All I want to say is I’m sure this will pass too, just please stand by me as my ROCKK & my ROCKK SOLID support ….. & I know we’ll get through this…. afterall this too has to pass !

Nothing here is permanent

Life is mundane, routine and boring. All of us, wake up, bathe, eat, sleep, entertain ourselves and move through life’s events, mostly in a trance and years later, realise we haven’t done anything worthwhile. Everyone’s life is the same.

Study in childhood, Enjoy in Adolescence and Work Hard in our Adult years. Some will marry and other mull over missing it. Some will be inundated with responsibility of raising children and others may lament about not having them. Some will become sick and die while others will leave in their sleep. Some will live alone while others surrounded by family members. In this melodrama of life, we may feel as if we are pushed and pulled in all directions, involuntarily.

In this rigmarole of contusions and confusions, the one thing we have to learn is to pause. To pause is not to cease, but to add meaning to this mundane life. In this existence, we have to learn to exist, or years will rush by and we may be left feeling unhappy that nothing much was achieved.

Life is like a Canvas, it has to be filled with personalised meaningful images to make it appreciable. So, the question is, what are we all doing in life, to make it more meaningful. Each of us have been given a palette ( fingers) colors ( senses) and brushes ( tools) We have been given experiences and situations in which we can think, feel and behave in a unique manner.

Today during the pandemic, we have a wonderful opportunity to test ourself. We can choose to wake up late, eat irregularly, watch a movie every night and sleep in la la land. We can sit around and walk around and sleep around day after day. We can chat about how this pandemic has ruined our happiness and crib all day. We can decide to live normally and work normally, disbelieving that anything has changed or decide to make changes.

So, now friends we have a chance to add meaning in our lives. To stretch and exercise your brain tissues and use the some more of the infinite potential of our neural circuitry. Learn what you missed, Teach with technology and Read vociferously. Decide to meditate ….. … Some colour is being added to life.

There are now two clear choices-
First one, Sit around aimlessly and second, Aim while you sit around. Add meaning to this mundane existence so that when we step out after the pandemic, we may actually experience happiness within. Our vision and mission both will be crystal clear. There will be a skip in our gait and a tinkle in our eye. We would be actually in the process of discovering the New Normal for we will Embody It Ourself!

No more Discounting Self!

Release your expectations…

People spend most of their lives offended by what someone did to them. The surprising revelation that I am going to make to you is going to change your life … No one has offended you! It is your expectations of what you expected from those people, the ones that hurt you …

And expectations are created by your thoughts. They are not real. They are imaginary. If you expected your parents to give you more love and they didn’t give it to you, you don’t have to be offended.
It is your expectations of what an ideal father should have done to you that were violated. Your ideas are what hurt you.

If you expected your partner to react in this or that way and he did not … Your partner has done nothing to you. It is the difference between the attentions you hoped he had with you and those he really had, those that hurt you. Again, that’s in your imagination. Angry at God? It is your beliefs about what God should do that hurt you. God never offends or hurts anyone. A habit requires all its parts to function. If you lose one,
habit breaks down.

The habit of being offended by what others do to you (no one really does anything to you) will disappear when you know better the source of the “offenses”.

When we are born, we are authentic
But our true nature is artificially suppressed and replaced by concepts that our parents, society and television teach us. And they create a fake novel of how things should be in all aspects of your life and how others should act.

One of the biggest sources of offense is trying to impose one person’s point of view on another and guide your life. When you tell him what to do and he says “no”, you create resentments twice.

First, you feel offended because he didn’t do what you wanted.

Second, the other person is offended because you did not accept them as they are. And it is a vicious circle. All people have the divine right to guide their lives as they please. They learn from their mistakes by themselves. Let them be ! nobody belongs to you.

People are a mighty river. Any attempt to catch them will hurt you. Love them, enjoy them and let them go.

💜Understand that no one has offended you. It is your ideas about how people and God should act that hurt you. These ideas are the product of a social mask, which you have learned from your childhood unconsciously. Recognize that most people will NEVER square with those ideas you have. Because they have theirs.

💜Let people Be. Let them guide their lives as they please. It’s their reaponsability. Give them advice if they ask, but allow them to make their decisions. It is your divine birthright: free will and liberty.

No one belongs to you. Not your parents, friends or partners. We all belong to nature’s gear. Let things flow without resisting them. Live and let live.

💜Stop thinking too much. Be open to the possibility of new experiences. Don’t use your inventory. Open your eyes and see the flow of life as it is. When you clean your vision from dark glasses and take them off, the result is vision cleaning.

Perfection does not exist. Neither the father, friend, perfect couple. It is a concept created by the human mind that you can understand on an intellectual level, but in reality it DOES NOT EXIST. Because it is an imaginary concept. A perfect forest would be pure trees, Sun, not bugs … does it exist ? No. For a fish, the perfect sea would be one where there are no predators, is there ? No.

Only on an intellectual level. In reality it will NEVER EXIST.

Naturally, the fish can only enjoy reality. Any frustration that the sea is not what it wants it to be is pointless. Stop resisting that people are not what you want or do not think like you. Accept people as the fish accepts the sea and love them as they are.

💜Enjoy life. Real life is more beautiful and exciting than any idea you have in the world.

💜Imagine that person who offended you in the past. Imagine that both are comfortably sitting. Tell him why he offended you. Listen to his loving explanation of why he did it. And forgive her. If a loved one is no longer in this world, use this dynamic to tell them what you want. Listen to their response. And say goodbye It will give unexplainable peace.

💜 In light of the short period of life we have, we only have time to live, enjoy and be happy.

Our companion death at any moment, unexpectedly, can take us in his arms. It is superfluous and useless to spend time thinking about the offenses of others. You can not get that luxury.

Natural : is natural to go through a period of mourning when forgiving, let your wound heal. Download (not to be mistaken for retaliation) with someone to let the pain flow.

I would urge to re-read this piece as many times as necessary and let the concepts start sowing seeds of consciousness within. Learning honestly from the mistakes made, promising oneself that you will not repeat it and returning to live A life …

THAT ONE LIGHT

Lord Krishna taught Arjuna about duty, valour and responsibility as a warrior. He expounded the truth about being a soul light and perceive others in a similar manner. He revealed his divine form for Arjuna to realise the existence of God inside a mortal human being. The Lord spoke about karma and how every action, even the small insignificant ones have a consequence in the larger trajectory of things. Arjuna understood and acted in good faith, but we do not believe in it and so we are where we started of- ignorant.

Buddha said, “ Do not kill any animal and eat it. Non-violence takes you closer to the Divine.” His followers misunderstood and interpreted the teaching wrongly. So Buddhists do consume meat of dead animals, because they didn’t kill them to eat. Restaurants in Thailand proudly display the board, “ Animals served here are dead ones, we do not kill them.” Imagine that! Men find a way out to satisfy their taste – buds. They bend the rule, sometimes break it, and call themselves Buddha followers but don’t believe in him and exhibit ignorance.

Mahavira had 12 dreams before he attained Kaivalya yet people don’t believe that dreams are an alternate reality in which we exist. Dreams have messages that can transform ones thinking and behaviour. Man continues to believe otherwise and remain ignorant.

Jesus was crucified to death by those who didn’t wish to believe that as you sow, so shall you reap.

Ramakrishna was diagnosed with cancer and Vivekanand asked his doctor who was an atheist to prescribe medication. When the doctor arrived, Vivekanand put a coin under Ramkrishna’s mattress and this created such discomfort that Ramkrishna could not feel restful. When the coin was removed, he felt better. Vivekanand told the doctor, ‘ Did you notice that my Guru has great aversion to money.’ The Doctor said, ‘ The restless ness is not due to the coin but his condition.’ This is how ignorant man is, great men and their ways are not respected, though after their death, they are immortalised. Months later when Ramakrishna died, Vivekanand asked the doctor who by then had become his disciple, ‘ Do you believe God exists?’ To this the doctor replied,’ God no longer exists, for He just died,” referring to Ramkrishna breathing his last.

What makes us wait to believe in the tenets of spiritual life? We continue to read and learn from the holy texts, attend spiritual classes and quote great saints, but when it comes to practicing the teachings with sincerity, we fail or give up.

Discipline and Persistence is lacking in most of us. The lockdown has given us an opportunity to learn both. Do not feign ignorance, instead recognise how you can get closer to the divine, rather than wait for the lockdown to open and return to the same old life.

Give yourself a chance to change !

Now !

I hear this often, my 92 year old Masi laments, “ God take me now, it’s enough.” My 86 year old uncle repeats, “ Old age is a curse.” Many people may feel that life is meaningless and they can exit. The problem is you can’t open the door as it locked from the outside. There are people who attempt suicide and survive, because it wasn’t their time to leave.

Death is predestined and this is the reason that you can’t make sense of it. It’s not that you are famous and so can live longer or rich and buy an elixir. Children die, who haven’t sinned, adolescents commit suicide, who have not much experience of life and adults throw themselves to the wolves because they feel ramshackled by expectations. Death can come at any time and age and we can’t even prepare for it. Nothing prepares us for this transition. No exam, test or course can prepare you for this eventuality.

In life I have learnt one important lesson. Live in the moment and make it the most memorable. Every day brings opportunities and encourages me to continue my learning. Learning anything that excites my brain lobes to discharge energy. Read or re-read some amazing quotes and feel it charging your cells. Speak positively to others, stroke others and self and by the time dusk falls, go home to your bed-side, pray and sleep.
Everyday, progress at a gingerly pace, some days jog while other days run. Nowadays I am running on the spot making the most of the lockdown. Books beckon me, writing excites me, viewing shows relaxes me, online work amazes me and novel ideas come to me. I am living in the here and now and it’s great. Everyday my material needs are decreasing and my involvement in ME is increasing. I am finding myself a very interesting person who is charged to teach, learn and grow with every passing day. A smile on my face and I bring a smile on the face of another and I live from dawn to dusk. The past and future are illusionary and I don’t think much about them. Death will come, when it has to, but it won’t rob me of my present.

There is death all around us, In the newspaper, on television, in the next building or possibly next door. It is happening to strangers, neighbours and friends. It’s happening everywhere and so each one will have to decide if they wish to think about it and get depressed or live through and everyday make amends. All those who wish to forgive, no better time than this. All those who wish to give up certain habits, they are lucky. If they, even now, don’t wake up, they never will !

Stop thinking about death and invest in LIFE!

I suggest to all – Make Today Memorable.

माँ ❤️‘

The last Instagram post of Sushant Singh Rajput is heart -wrenching.

‘Blurred past evaporating from teardrops
Unending dreams carving an arc of smile
And a fleeting life,
negotiating between the two…

The words ‘blurred’, ‘ teardrops’, ‘ unending’, ‘ arc’, ‘ between’, ‘ past’, ‘ evaporating’ ‘ negotiating’ each of these words are all fragments of a memory. They narrate a story of an unclear, incomplete seeking. The inability to bridge the gap that the crevices of loss may have created in the mind of a sixteen year old. It could reflect the grievings of hundreds of such innocent souls who miss their mumma! This is what I would say is ‘ living on the edge.’

Suicides like this are not done in a fit of insanity but are brewing in the playground of the mind for some time. The idea that I can take my life seems so real and doable than living on, in this Illusionary reality where man is supposed to be loved forever by another. This ‘forever’ for promise that we make to each other whether in love or hate is like a curse that breaks trust when one decides to depart.

Suddenly suicide seems an alternative path to moving out of unbearable pain and embracing the one person you cannot see or touch. The loss of a parent early in life can leave one desirous of that ‘stroke’ which made you love yourself. The touch of a mother is the first loving nuzzle that you snuggle into and believe that it will cushion you against all obstacles in your life. As you grow older you search for that in others but realise that it’s irreplaceable. You want to run home to feel the unconditional warmth again, and when it’s ‘evaporated’ you can only feel ‘unending’ grief. For many the period of mourning for a loved one is the reality in which they live, life is lived only in ‘between’….

Suicide is not a sin in the eyes of a forgiving God but it may lead to unending pain. I know that for a few cosmic moments which actually seem a lifetime you are united with the object of love in the other realm.

None of us are suicide-proof and have entertained this thought once in our adult life. This could be a ‘ passing fancy’ with ‘ what would I feel if I did it’, or ‘ Gosh! I can sense a feeling of choking when I read about it’. It’s important to know that this is not the only option and when depressed, other possibilities can be reached out for. One of them is to, think of all those around you whom you can still love. Look at these relationships that you can still hold and nurture.

To all those who could be waiting to clip those wings, I have only one thing to say,
‘Remember the lessons may be tough but they will have to be learnt here. Bailing yourself out early before you complete your exam will get you to repeat it again, and maybe then a loved one may not be around you for support. The loved ones who have departed, are still around you, only you can’t touch them, hear them or see them…. but they can. If you believe in rebirth then know that we cannot be lost in translation.

This is the truth !